Having accidentally caught the end of Dr Who last Saturday which told the tale of a Dalek experiment to create a new human hybrid, H&G were rather surprised to see that when the body casing opened and the new limbed creature emerged it was dressed in spats and a full 3 piece chalk stripe suit.

Setting to one side the issue of whether their tailor had correctly recommended the right cloth (understated of course in order to not compete with the tentacles) we were more intrigued to ask how the tailor had managed a second fitting in the first place. Or even a first for that matter.

It then poses other questions.

Do all Daleks possess a pair of shoes and a pile of prechosen fabric inside their armoured casing(neatly tucked one presumes underneath the exterminator ray gun) ?

Did they have a range of fabrics to choose from and a good selection of swatches (one hopes that tweed was represented) ?

What happens if the weather proves inclement and they need a double worsted fabric instead of the gay and colourful linen that first caught their eye ?

Better still, as the hybrid Daleks emerge to the brighter new world, each stepping out for the first time in their new suits, each majestic and terrifying, which poor miscreant ruined it all by picking the 'Ben Elton' silver 80s fabric ?

Fashion is mightier than the stair after all.

Hmmm. Yes. Well. H&G are still debating the veracity of the bacon martini web site (see comment below). We're extremely pleased with the wordplay of "The Dickens", that much is certain.

In fact, the site raises several deeper philosophical quandaries: can one have too much of a good thing? Could cheese be added to the martini for further enhancement? Do the 3 rules of cookery apply also to beverages?

Dear readers, we are floundering in a soup of pontification; perhaps you can provide some answers?

A recent reader writes regarding the previous post 'but why have that when you could have a www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com - Much more up an English chap's street'.

We thank him or indeed her for their contribution and fully applaud any company dedicated to the celebration of the chaise longue. We are concerned however that tea should be the beverage of choice. Surely a straight up martinii, very dry, stirred with a twist would be a more preferable accompanyment to a pipe of light shag ?

Ah, if only H&G lived in America. Then we could join the Bacon Of The Month club.

Although not quite list-making in the the anger that it causes, a growing ire has been slowly building about one topic (albeit it for the more commuting half of H&G).

The subject - women who save their full makeup routine for the train journey to work.

Now, we used to be of the happy illusion that we either dated women with fantastic skin or that they were so excellent at applying their makeup it didn't really matter anyway. Either way - it remained a private affair. These harridan just don't realise that this public application exposes the masquerade for what it is - a wretched attempt to cover up burst blood vessels and greying sallow skin.