Missing children rarely present amusing copy and in light of a certain blonde girl last seen somewhere in Portugal H&G would like to tread lightly.

However news of Andrew 'Human Calculator' Gosden has forced a smile through our clenched moral teeth. It seems that rather than run away from Doncaster for the bright lights of Londons Glittering West End, Andrew has instead found another way to broaden his horizons.

'He could be heading for several areas such as HMS Belfast, the Science Museum, the Natural History Museum and the Victoria and Albert Museum' said PC Mel Clarke (while stiffling a chortle) of Doncaster Police.

We can only applaud that it seems todays youth have finally found that art it more interesting than the clipjoints of Soho.