Right, that's it. After 5 long weeks where one portion of H&G has been lounging on his backside keeping clear from work or email I've had enough. Jonathon 'Bloody' Durden has done it. One of our own couldn't resist it. He's romped his way onto Big Brother via mates at Endemol / secret Spanish cabal meeting of TV execs and I cannot stand it. Not due to jealousy but because the 'so called strategic thinker' (thankyou The Sun for that quote) seems determined to act like a shorter and rounder version of Donal Macyintire. He seem determined to blow the big brother house wide open with his blazing insight about the kinds of strategies that each of the housemates is using to succeed. He's trying to show how good he is. How he can spot a consumer insight. How deft his though process is. And it's utterly 'Bloody' priceless. The moment where he confronts the twins to suggest that they are brilliant at marketing themselves is magic. They don't understand what he's talking about. They really really don't understand what he's talking about.Noone in the house does and this is the bit I'm going to love. At some point he's going to realise that they really are that vacuous. That for entertainment and for interest he's going to be reduced to reading toothpaste packaging just to stave off the madness.

But better than that, it's a torture even more wonderful because the only way that he can stave off madness is by becoming one of them. Bit by bit he's turning into a grinning apelike fool. Except he's too old. And he's not cool. It's like watching the ugly fat kid trying to be mates with everyone else. He keeps appearing puppylike, looking hopeful that the others will be nice to him. Thank god the other by product of this event, his Guardian Media column, is going to lack a certain amount of bite coupled as it is with the image of him singing YMCA dressed as the indian.

Jonathon: in your effort to be down with the kids, everyone will hear you scream.

(as I write he's just proudly admitted he's got £6m in the bank...he'll be beaten to death in his sleep I guarantee)